After some thinking and some real life experiences and more thinking, I decided I would stop any attempt of studying. I decided I would only do art just as a hobby, and thus not pursue any illustration-related career for now and the next years to come. I left University, learned nothing in the process and only spent a ridiculous amount of money in that, leaving with only a distastefully large amount of debt. Art wouldn't lead me to anything good in my current and previous state of mind, and I realized that even if I do try and step up my game I won't even get where I want to. So far it's been a ridiculous pursuit, like if I was chasing an impossible dream, and I just wasn't fit for it. I wasted a lot of my time and procrastinated until I had no time left, didn't practice when I could and didn't took the opportunities that showed. Let this be a lesson to those who do have the time now to enjoy what they like and work hard to be what they want and do what they love. I wasn't good enough and wasn't responsible enough of my own self to do that, despite the cheers from friends and family alike I was too childish, irresponsible and lazy to do as I had to do, and that lead to where I am now, without a High School grade, a big unnecessary debt and working at someone's shop as a clerk for 8 hours.
Life sometimes doesn't go as someone wants, but this time, I had the materials to do my own path and I didn't work as hard as I should have to achieve what I dreamed of. It's a reality I am forced to deal with, and my plans for the next years of my life is to save money, get a house, get a car and maybe a shop for myself like my parents do. Drawing and studying don't really have a slot in them since right now I can't afford to quit a job I got only thanks to a friend of my mother. Hopefully I can study at night while working full time at this job maybe when Illustration gets more students, but that's a big maybe, who knows. I'm trying to stay realistic to the fact that I no longer have time to waste in life, and I hope that anyone who reads this understands and appreciates the time they have, and learn how to properly make use of it in a responsible way.
I'll continue working, and I'll doodle some things now and then (mostly messy things and fanarts) and I'll continue playing video games, since all I want to do in life is to play.
See you all folks some other time, stay chill, stay nice and stay pretty.